What kind of snowflake are you …

10 02 2015

“Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation” – William H Sheldon

Snowflakes as experienced in a snowstorm, I’m told (being a red-blooded South African and never having experienced one first-hand), come in a swirling indistinguishable mass. Yet each of these snowflakes, when examined under a microscope is unique.

This is relevant because humanity is very similar. When experienced en masse, say in a busy shopping mall frenetically engaged in Saturday morning shopping, we all appear very similar. Yet when you get to know us individually, we are all uniquely different. No two of us are exactly alike.

Each of us has differentiating characteristics, talents, traits and idiosyncrasies. Each of us is born with a special purpose, something we were born to do. Many of us don’t know what it is and most of us are not even aware that we don’t know.

So we live lives of quiet desperation, desperately looking for something outside of ourselves to fill or fulfil ourselves. We pursue work, relationships, hobbies, sports and sadly addictions as a means to seek relief, however fleetingly.

Some of us, some lucky few, have a clear idea of who we are and where we are going. They have a grasp on their purpose, their genius and live their lives in the joy of fulfilment, meaning and passion. Energy and excitement radiate from them as if they were a force of nature. Things get done, cathedrals, skyscrapers, empires, innovations and inventions, great works of art and music flow effortlessly from their minds, mouths and hands. Through every industry, every field of human endeavour these pioneers thunder along, with humanity trailing behind like the tail of a comet, into the next wave and onto the next evolutionary step.

Who are those people? Some are public figures and some work quietly in the background. You will know them when you meet them by the firmness of their grip and the light in their eye; by the passion of their speech and the warmth in their heart.

You too have a purpose, a sacred contract, a Genius. You too were born to a unique purpose. Deep inside you, waiting to be born into the light waits a spark of Genius, your passion; patiently waiting for you to find it and bring it out into the light.

You can experience these people from the outside, hoping their magic will rub off on you, or you can wait patiently in the hope that someday your purpose will find you, or you can reach out today, discover your genius and embrace your purpose and begin to live the life you were meant to.

Do you know where you are going to?

As a Life & Business Coach, my quest is to shift people from being the victim of their circumstances to being the creator of their own solutions.

Check out my Secret Weapons to help you to shift your stuff, and take sustained action towards the life of your dreams.

 

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Is life with the Kardashians really worth living …

26 01 2015

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself”- George Bernard Shaw

You’ve seen them on TV. The designer lifestyles of the rich and famous…

Take the Kardashians for example: seemingly they live the life. The cars, the houses, the clothes, the boats, the holidays in faraway exotic locations… The lifestyles you and I can only dream about.

Now look deeper: a dad who is not sure that he wants to be a dad, or even a man; a mom who wants to control her family and extended family like puppets dancing on a string; sisters who aren’t sure if they love or hate each other, stuck in an endless rivalry of one-up-manship; husbands and boyfriends who want to live their own lives, but can’t because they are owned by their wives’ and girlfriends’ money.

So much hype in their lives that it keeps us  glued to our couches to see the next drama: the spoilt-brat Pomeranian dog’s bad haircut, the wandering Botox injection that moved from the lips to the nose, the designer bubble-butt that sticks out behind her like a book shelf, the proposed sex-change operation for ‘dad’, the unruly boyfriend / toy-boy/ husband who would rather play with his new designer toys than pay attention to the princess, the new car/ scooter/ wet-bike/ diamond encrusted cell phone/ kitchen/ patio whatever, that’s now not so great because the rival celebrity down the road has a newer/ better/ faster/ sexier/  slicker model…

Overwhelming problems that consume their empty little lives because there is nothing more meaningful in their self-centred, hyped-up little lives-on-display.

Sounds like sour grapes hey? But really it’s not…

All power to them for capitalizing on the fact that the designer lifestyles and designer problems that keep us drooling are so removed from the lives and problems lived and encountered by you, me and the average South African,  that I wonder if the allure isn’t the ridiculousness of it all.

It’s really our own fault! I mean, we watch the stuff! We’ve given them and people like them so much ‘power’ over us that they have become the ideal to strive for. The role models for most citizens of the 21st century are no longer heroes: people of character, morals, principles and ideals. Instead, they are empty headed, bubble-butted celebrities with more money than is good for them, with the brains of squirrels and a level of selfish irresponsibility that would make your grandmother click her tongue with disapproval.
Perhaps the real problem is that we have been raised on a consumer diet of this drivel, that we have literally drunk the cool-aid, and no longer really know what we really, really want from our own lives.

Or perhaps, our own ‘stuff’ is just so hard that we have given up and now live vicariously through the surreal lives of celebrities in the media.

How about you? Have you given up? If you could wave a magic wand and set your life up to be anything you wanted … what would it look like?

Take my Free Quality of Life Assessment

Check out my Secret Weapons to help you to shift your stuff, and take sustained action towards the life of your dreams.

Need Help? I can help you to shift your stuff and do the same for anyone you refer to me.

As a Life & Business Coach, my quest is to shift people from being the victim of their circumstances to being the creator of their own solutions.





How can you be so sure…

27 06 2012

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” – New Testament: Hebrews ch.11 v.1

Take Joseph for example…

 A moderately successful carpenter living in Nazareth some 2000 odd years ago, he has everything going for him: a successful carpentry practice with loyal clientele, a good name and standing in his community, a bright future and about to become the proud husband of the prettiest girl in the district. What more could a man want?

 Then in the blink of an eye everything changes. His betrothed comes home from a visit to her cousin in the big city and … say what? She’s with child, a quaint way of saying she’s pregnant. So how did this happen? All he really knows is that it’s not him. So now what? The family is shamed, the Rabbi is shocked, the community is outraged, and his betrothed is in tears because nobody will believe her way-out story.

 Make no mistake this is serious. Life threateningly serious: not just in the ‘snub you in the supermarket’ serious or ‘don’t get invited to parties anymore’ serious… this serious can get you killed. Literally! Folks have been stoned for less, and not in the mellow smoky green leaf way… Jamaica maaaan. These guys have a pretty definite view of what is right and what is not … and sex before marriage, let alone childbirth out of wedlock is a definite no-no.

 Our Joseph is beside himself. What is a truly good and righteous man to do in a village of ultra righteous I-told-you-so’s?

 So he does what any self-respecting young man would do… he confronts her, “I didn’t do it, so who did?” In tears she sobs out her story … a man in brilliant white raiment (we call them clothes), told her that she, above all women had been chosen to bear the child that would be the long awaited Saviour and that the seed would be miraculously placed in her womb and that everything would be all right. Get out of that without moving…

Angry and confused by her sincerity, which he sees at the time as escapist naïveté, he storms out into the fields where he is met by a man in brilliant white raiment who confirms the story and provides some added motivation and counsel.

Reassured, Joseph goes back and before the astonished mob of outraged villagers takes his betrothed by the hand, speaks up for her, accepting her as his wife and the unborn child as his. Muttering and shaking their heads at the shame of it all, the crowd disperses and Joseph has saved the day, his wife, the child and probably mankind as well.

So here’s the point of my potentially irreverent story: think of the blind faith that Joseph had to find and hold onto to come to that place of inner peace and acceptance of knowing that his betrothed was telling the truth. For all he knows, she might be spinning the biggest “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” yarn and his own ‘man in brilliant white raiment’ might have been a hallucination brought on by his own stress and distress.

But he has a sense of what feels right and then, in the face of public disproval and at the risk of losing everything, (his standing in the community, his good name, his friends, his family,  his business, his means of earning a living), he summons up his courage and actually does something about it. He takes the biggest risk of his young life and it pays off … big time. Not just for himself and his family but for all of mankind.

Right now you have a feeling of what is right … for you. Despite what the media is telling you, despite what your friends and family are telling you, despite what ‘good sense‘ and logic are telling you, you have a feeling about what is right for you. It might be about a tough solution to a tough problem, it might be a about a stand that you need to take, It might be about your next step … you know what it is.

The only question that matters is: What will you do about it?

Here is a really cool tool to help you take sustained action towards the life of your dreams.

Need Help? I can help you to shift your stuff and do the same for anyone you refer to me.
As a Life & Business Coach, my quest is to shift people from being the victim of their circumstances to being the creator of their own solutions.





Success works from the inside out …

30 05 2012

“The toughest thing about success is that you’ve got to keep on being a success” Irving Berlin

You’ve heard them … maybe you are even one of them?

When I have my degree then I can start to live; when I get my promotion then I can devote time to my family; when I get an increase then I can afford to get married; when I get my new car then I can approach bigger clients; when I start my own business then I will be free; when I win the lotto … and so on.

Guess what … it’s never going to happen!

Why? Because Success happens from the inside out and NOT the other way around!

I know a woman who is writing a book. Great people say when she tells them, what’s it about? Oh my experiences in the Hell’s Angels. You must let me read it … I would love to help … maybe give my opinion. Oh, I would prefer to finish it before I let anyone read it … you know for continuity.

She has been writing the book for the last seven years. The truth is that she will probably never actually finish the book. Then why write it you ask.

Simple! Because while she is writing her book she is important: people are impressed, she gets acknowledgement, and she feels like somebody, she feels worthy. But once the book is completed …

Then it is open for comment, perhaps criticism, and perhaps harsh criticism. What if people don’t like it? What if it isn’t good enough? What if I’m not a good enough writer? What if I’m not good enough? So the book will never be finished and she will keep her fragile ego intact.

Fear, you see is what drives many of us. Fear of failure: but also paradoxically, fear of success.

Success is such an elusive quality. How do we measure it? Is it about money; about position, title, status or reputation? Is it about the car we drive, the house we live in or where we take our annual vacation?

Whatever success means to each of us, it does NOT begin ‘someday when’ … It begins inside each one of us.

To HAVE success, we must first do things that will produce success. Action produces results. But before we can DO the things that will make us successful, we must first BE successful. We must feel successful and then do what is necessary from that emotional state. Otherwise all that we are frantically doing is simply going through the motions. Why? Because we don’t really believe that we can achieve success; we don’t really believe that we deserve success; we don’t really believe that we are worthy of success … others perhaps, but not us! So what’s the point?

So what is Success for you?

Are you already successful or are you waiting to be successful?

Here is a really cool tool to help you to shift your stuff, and take sustained action towards the life of your dreams.

Need Help? I can help you to shift your stuff and do the same for anyone you refer to me. As a Life & Business Coach, my quest is to shift people from being the victim of their circumstances to being the creator of their own solutions.





Don’t do it all alone…

23 05 2012

“Many hands make light work” – Chinese Proverb

Modern technology, TV dinners, computer games, the internet, fast food, television and even artificial insemination have all been blamed for the breakdown of the family unit. This may be so, but the real implication flies in the face of millions of years of human evolution.

On the surface we seem to need each other less and less. It is possible to do many things alone. Computer technology, while making it easier to communicate almost instantly across the entire planet has also made it possible for us to isolate ourselves in a way never before possible.

The Internet, email and social media have almost made it possible to run our businesses, manage our staff, research anything from achieving our goals to learning Zulu, conduct long distance relationships, date online, play dungeons & dragons competitively and even visit remote areas of the world without even having to physically interact with other people. The advent of E-commerce allows us to shop online, make travel arrangements, do our banking, apply for credit or find a job, in our pyjamas and without leaving the house.

Wonderful opportunities which should free us up to enjoy a better quality of life and interact on a more meaningful level with one another, but which has, by and large had the reverse effect.

We no longer seem to need each other. Forget golfing widows, we now have internet orphans. Whole families who share the same house but each has their own telephone, cell phone, personal computer and internet/email, television and digital satellite connection. Some even have their own bathrooms and private entrances. The latest innovation from a well known digital satellite TV network now even makes it possible to watch different channels from the same decoder at the same time in different places. With any luck we may never have to see or speak to one another again – except perhaps to ask for money.

Research conducted with orphaned and abandoned babies in nursing homes indicates that without meaningful human contact these babies grow up to be smaller and less healthy than children who are constantly touched, held and loved.

Despite indications to the contrary, we need one another to survive. Human beings are social by nature. We need to interact meaningfully with one another to learn, develop and evolve as a species.

For all our independent tendencies we still yearn for connection in our lives. The most anti-social radical revolutionary among us still needs the approval or acknowledgement of his followers, leaders or group.

That, which drives us apart, ultimately unites us. At our core we have only two real psychological fears: the fear of being alone and the fear of not being loved. In essence, these two fears really amount to the same fear.

Fear of rejection is prevalent in most people’s lives one way or another. Somewhere along the line, following some distressing event, we made the decision about ourselves that has many variations around not being good enough in some way, shape or form.

This belief often prevents us even from asking for help because by doing so we may be admitting to the world and to ourselves that we are weak and that our secret childhood assumption is true. That deep down inside we are not good enough. We should be strong enough, smart enough, knowledgeable enough and self sufficient enough not to need help from others. Needing help makes us feel weak, helpless, even powerless and sends a message to others confirming our deepest darkest secret, which if they knew about could cause us to be instantly ostracized.

Interesting that the same secret fear binds us together: members of AA and other substance abuse agencies find support from the very people who suffer the same affliction.

Giving often allows us to experience joy and fulfillment. So why would we deny it to others by refusing their help?

What do you need to face your fears and re-connect…

Here is a really cool tool to help you to shift your stuff, and take sustained action towards the life of your dreams.

Need Help? I can help you to shift your stuff and do the same for anyone you refer to me. As a Life & Business Coach, my quest is to shift people from being the victim of their circumstances to being the creator of their own solutions.





What does it mean: “Exact change only…?”

25 04 2012

“We never live, but we are always in the expectation of living.” – Voltaire

Picture the scene. A busy street in downtown San Francisco, a bus pulls up at the stop; two men from out of town step onto the bus; the doors whoosh close; time goes by; the doors whoosh open again; the same two men step off the bus again and stand on the pavement looking puzzled. One of the men is holding some currency in his hand. The bus pulls off leaving them standing looking alternately after the bus and at the coins with bewildered looks on their faces. People stream busily  past the two out-of-towners oblivious of their predicament. The men stand there in the stream of passers-by – confused. 

Finally one of the men says to the other “What does it mean … exact change only?”

Those of you lucky enough to have travelled abroad will perhaps know that in many parts of the world one may only purchase a bus ticket if you have the exact change. This innovation is designed to speed up the process of stopping to pick up new passengers as the driver can more quickly handle the transaction and be back on his route again if prospective passengers proffer ‘exact change only’.

Clever innovation but troublesome to people who are ignorant of the rules.

Here in South Africa we use taxis which are far more passenger-centric and infinitely less traffic- centric so why am I telling you this?

It has to do with knowing the rules. The natural laws as applied by the ‘Universe’ in giving you what you ask for. 

Unless you know exactly what you want and are able to articulate it specifically (exact change), the Universe, which has a busy route and many, many passengers to cater for will leave you standing at the stop until you have decided exactly where you want to go. Once your decision is made you are free to hop onto the bus and ask the driver for your ticket. You can choose to go all the way or you can choose to go just a few stops before getting off again. To stop over, rest or see the sights before choosing again and going somewhere else.

As you stand at one of life’s many bus stops waiting for the bus you will be faced with the choice of many different modes of transport. Big buses, small buses, Spartan buses, luxury buses, fast buses, slow buses, clean buses, dirty buses – you choose. They all get there in the end.

The Universal bus driver knows the route; he has travelled it many times and delivered many passengers safely to their chosen destinations. But once you have got onto the bus you must place your trust in the bus driver. By constantly doubting his ability, questioning the route or demanding variations of the route you will only prolong the journey and delay your arrival at your chosen destination.  

Alternatively you can choose to do it the hard way and drive your own car, ride a bicycle, walk or hack out your own path through uncharted jungle, choosing your own route from the complexity of available highways, byways, avenues, streets, lanes or footpaths: your choice again.

But once you have made your choice, committed to your destination and selected your choice of transportation it serves little purpose to whine about how long it is taking, how boring the scenery is or how dangerous the neighborhood is that you are currently travelling. Blame is useless because you are the only one responsible.

Feel free anytime to catch the bus. Just wait at the bus top but make sure that you know exactly where you want to go … and have the correct change.

Where would you like to go…

As a Life & Business Coach, my quest is to shift people from being the victim of their circumstances to being the creator of their own solutions.

Need Help? I can help you to shift your stuff and do the same for anyone you refer to me. 
 





When times are hard friends are few…

3 04 2012

“To be what you were born to be, and to learn what we are capable of being, is the only end in life.” – Spinoza

“When times are dark, friends are few!” was the statement ‘tattooed’ onto the rear window of the car I followed to see a client today. This was accompanied by a forlorn figure seated on a dilapidated stool with an empty liquor bottle abandoned between his down at heel boots.

What a statement to make, proclaim, to the world at large. What a philosophy to align one’s life with.

I got to thinking… All the hard luck stories in the world, all the poverty, crime, violence, hopelessness, despair are tied up in this one negative declaration, affirmation if you will, of this person’s internal view of his external environment.

“I think, therefore I am” says Descartes. “What a man thinketh in his heart, so it is unto him” says Jesus. “The reality that we observe is determined by the act of observation” says the Copenhagen Interpretation of quantum physics.

If these presumptions are true, and they certainly seem to be supported by some pretty heavyweight thinkers, both ancient and modern, taken from the broad spectrum of philosophy, spirituality and scientific thinking, then what does it say about our current human situation?

Who is ultimately responsible for the reality of our circumstances – good or bad?

The finger seems to be pointed back in our own direction. We, you and I, control our destinies, our lives and the circumstances in which  we find ourselves. We are the cause of our own consequences. We have the Divinely given gift of freewill, of choice.

Gary Zukav says that we are here in this “earth school” to learn. We have the choice to learn either through pain and suffering or through love, trust, wisdom and compassion. The lesson remains the same.

Wow! We get to decide on how we will learn the lessons we have chosen to learn.

So why do we choose to learn through lack, pain and suffering?

Could it be because that is all we know, because that is all we have observed?

Could it be because that is all we think we are deserving of?

By the age of five, the psychologists tell us, a child has absorbed most of the values which will ’serve’ it for the rest of it’s life. The events of our childhood, no matter how seemingly insignificant spark decisions about who we are and what we are worth.

Our perceived self worth is the undercurrent that influences what we attract to our lives.

The good news is that we get to choose who we are and what we are worth and so what we attract into our lives.

So who are you and what do you want…

Here is a really cool tool to help you to shift your stuff, and take sustained action towards the life of your dreams.

Need Help? I can help you to shift your stuff and do the same for anyone you refer to me. As a Life & Business Coach, my quest is to shift people from being the victim of their circumstances to being the creator of their own solutions.